Tag Archives: silly

Darwin = Hitler

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And here we go again. Dumb as doornail ‘Discovery Institute’ (DI) are trying to scientifically ‘prove’ that science leads to immoral behavior. This time around, they have drawn a line between Darwin and Hitler, claiming that the Holocaust is a direct result of Darwin’s theories. Citing a film by Dr. Richard Weikart called “Darwin to Hitler”, based on his book of the same name and funded in large parts by DI, their argument goes as follows:

Natural selection was the guiding idea for Hitler and the Nazis. … the term [selection] was related directly to Darwinian terminology that when you went to the camps, you went through a selection process. They were selecting this person to survive and this person to go to the gas chambers.

And that’s their complete line of reasoning. Just what did this ‘Dr.’ get his title for? I bet it’s not science. Darwin discovered the principle of natural selection. The grisly scene Weikart describes is unnatural selection, the exact opposite.

[slow clap]

Bravo.

Duck Brain

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On the subject of ISIS’ barbaric murders, the bearded studio guest raises his hand, the index finger extended:

God said: “All who hate me, love death”

and

Either convert them or kill them, one or the other.

When you think that wacko was a fundamental islamist, you wouldn’t be too far off. It was Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson, interviewed by FOX’s Sean Hannity, and he was talking about ISIS. That it’s difficult to discern a lunatic Islamist from a crazy Christian is no surprise; after all, the difference in their beliefs is semantic at best, their god is the same one. And both are blood-soaked, barbaric ideologies.

Ducky Brain then went on to say that he’d much prefer to convert the murderous thugs to christianity than to kill them. Oh, great. Then we’ll have lunatic, wide-eyed, heavily armed murderers for Jesus instead of Allah. What could possibly go wrong?

Now, as I remarked before, from the outside the loony bin is just a big building. I find it remarkable that the inmates are at each other’s throat while reciting exactly the same hate-filled stupidities.

And very, very, frightening.

Bible Libel

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Forget the Grisons Exorcists, they are wimps. It seems that Nigeria has the one true Van Helsing, in the name of born-again Christian Pastor Helen Ukpabio. Now, Ukpabio is really into witchcraft and stuff. She can diagnose potential baby witches from more than a mile away (symptoms: they get sick, cry, and scream at night – all very unusual characteristics for children), has made a fortune with her anti-witchcraft, and has just sued BHA for a humble half a billion pounds. Yeah, with a ‘b’.

What for?

Because BHA had the insolence to write that Ukpabio attributes the above symptoms to satanic possession – when clearly they are signs of vampiric possession. This of course ruins her reputation and livelihood, hence the half a billion pounds of damages.

Well, I guess when your livelihood includes the budged of a small nation, it’s easy to lose track of details. Like, for instance, reality. Not that anyone who makes their living by endangering children (what do you think happens to a child in Nigeria – where superstition is rampant – when it is diagnosed with a demon?) can be expected to have trace elements of sanity or decency.

Boy, and I thought Nigerian Scams were bad. If it weren’t such a gross waste of resources, I’d have loved to see this go to trial in the UK. British humor and a frivolous lawsuit? Hand, glove.

Evil squared

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There is a peculiar attribute of logic that is initially difficult to comprehend, and even more difficult to master: Negation. How is it that negating a statement twice makes it positive? And don’t get me started about negating a phrase with ‘or’. Eventually, though, we figure it out.

Or not. At least not when looking at religion: Evil, theologians say, is the negation of Good. Satan is evil – at least according to scripture. The epitome of evil.

And when evil people die, they’ll go to to hell where he tortures them.

Whoops… You see how difficult negation is? You just screwed up the negation. Satan would not torture evil people. Why would he? If he was truly evil, he’d torture good people.

Well, I guess there’s a reason why most holy scripture was written before people learned basic logic.

Superwhat?

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The entire silliness, irrationality and intellectual dishonesty of religion can be summed up in my recent short exchange with a believer:

Believer: “Do you believe in God?”

Me: “I’m not superstitious.”

Believer: “Me neither.”

Dr. Dumb

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In Liberia, an outbreak of deadly Ebola has already killed more than 1’300 people. Missionary Dr. Kent Brantly contracted the disease himself. Unlike most of the Ebola patients, he survived. Also, unlike most of the Ebola patients, he received an experimental drug designed to cure Ebola. Now, it is too soon to conclude that the serum cured the doctor; ten percent of those who fall ill to Ebola recover by themselves. But it’s enough to be optimistic that the serum helped.

Dr. Brantly, after his recovery, and in full knowledge of the fact that he received experimental treatment, and, despicably, in full knowledge that one of the greatest contributors to the spreading of Ebola in Liberia is rampant superstition, took every opportunity to spread more superstition:

I am more grateful every day to the Lord for sparing my life and continuing to heal my body.

and

Above all, I am forever thankful to God for sparing my life

Well, you ungrateful idiot, the nurses and doctors who risked their life while treating you are who healed you. Or are you so deluded that you think your god loves you more than those thousands who died? The experimental serum that very likely saved your life was designed by scientists to fight a disease – a disease that has been created by your god. Your god then gave this disease to thousands of people – including you. By surviving, I would argue, you are going against His plan, so don’t thank him too quickly. Next time, don’t take experimental drugs against god-given diseases – just pray and see what happens.

During a press conference, Dr. Dumb then went on to sermonize thusly:

Please continue to pray for the people in Liberia.

No! If you want to help, do something. Send money, food, or organize awareness drives. Praying only helps yourself feeling better, while those in Liberia keep dying. Liberia desperately needs your help – in more than one way: they need better medical infrastructure to fight the outbreak. They need better education to rid the country of dangerous superstitions. Mostly, though, they need greater help in overcoming poverty.

Also, Liberia apparently needs better medical experts to replace those who attribute healing powers to ghosts or gods.

Atheist = Liars!

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Christian religious (fundamental?) site TodayChristian.net deigned to publish a (sadly unattributed) article exposing us atheists as shameless liars. Yes, every frigging Atheist is a liar. Since the kind people running TodayChristian.net are Christians, they can’t lie about that, so such sweeping accusation must be true.

What heinous lies are we telling the world? Take us to task, TodayChristian.net:

1. The Biggest One- THERE IS NO GOD. They would have no problem telling a dying child there is NO God. Clearly they have no idea if there is or there isn’t.

And right off the bat, they crater. Unless you can prove that gods exist (something we all agree is impossible at best), this isn’t a lie, just an opinion. Still, I know few atheists who say ‘There is no God’. Most say ‘I don’t believe that there are gods’.
Adding the ‘dying child’ bit is a quite pathetic attempt at tear-jerking. Would I tell a dying child a comforting lie? Probably. At least I know that I’m lying…

Then again – if I ever catch a believer telling a dying atheist child that she is going to hell, there will be physical consequences, my peace-loving nature be damned.

2. They say they have “Open Minds”. We know that is not the case. When presented with spiritual issues they always dismiss it as fictitious, invalid or unsupported stories.

That’s rich coming from someone who’s mind is so closed that not only they assert the existence of gods, but have laser-focused on one in particular, and are not swayed at all by a mountain of evidence to the contrary.

When a believer says ‘you are so closed minded’, I feel they are really saying ‘you should think like me’.

3. Christianity teaches you to not think.

Ouch. Well, I’m sure some Atheists say that. Perhaps while quoting Martin Luther (‘Reason is the devil’s greatest whore’). But the fact is, most Atheist lament the fact that Christians don’t think, or don’t think enough. Anyone up for the definition of Faith? We don’t give a damn about what Christianity teaches. We merely observe the result.

4. Science exists despite religion.

This one would actually be funny – if we were to ignore the scores of people who died or endured hardship because their scientific discoveries contradicted religion (Galileo ring a bell?). So modern science does exist despite religious worst attempts to suppress it. Yet, religion was our first attempt at science. Today, Religion exists in spite of science. Few Atheists would argue otherwise. That’s why we think believers don’t think enough.

5. They Don’t Care If There Is Or Isn’t A God. Deep down inside of everyone’s heart there is a missing element that is always questioning, searching and longing to find God. They may try to ignore it but it still remains there.

Wow. Can you be more condescending? That longing you feel inside? That is actually your intellect, begging you to be let out.

Just once.

Mostly Harmless

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A new project that promises to print a chapter-less version of the bible seems to have caught the excitement of sponsors.

Why has the idea of a chapter-less Bible caught on so quickly? Adam Greene, who was surprised by the popularity of his idea, has a few ideas:

Three major threads that have been running parallel for some time now in my world are the recognition of the biblical anthology as great literature, an increasing interest in story, and a newly widespread appreciation of design as an enhancement to human experience.

Well, I’ve read the bible. Great Literature it is not. Important, yes, as it is important to understand where western culture comes from. But great Literature in the way of writing? I think not. It’s heavy-handed, predictable, highly repetitive, fragmented, a loosely stitched-together transcript of stories that were orally passed on, and was translated right up the wazoo by people who were interested in mythology, not linguistic finesse. Worst of all, with only few exceptions, it is boring. In short, it’s a literary brute, in line with my own third-grade writings.

Luckily, there’s another reason people like the new bible version:

For starters, it is elegantly presented.

Actually, that’s pretty much it. After all, you can get the whole bible (almost any version) as a digital download for free. The newly designed book does look good. It fits perfectly into a present-day library, the kind of library people have today: the one that has many good looking backs, but where no book was ever read.

Verse-less, chapter-less formats can help readers encounter the texts for what they are […] – literary compositions

So the bible has finally reached the form it was always destined for: the fictional novel. It took it long enough.

But there are detractors: Dr. Margaret Aymer, an associate professor of New Testament at the Interdenominational Theological Center, worries that the lack of footnotes may create a false sense of certainty for readers.

Seriously? Read the first chapter. Anyone who still thinks that the story is anything but fairy tales won’t be swayed simply by form of presentation.

Nonetheless, Aymer also stated that she found the project “interesting” and “mostly harmless.”

There is a 1987 album called ‘The people who grinned themselves to death’. That was almost my fate when I read her assessment.

After all the damage the Bible has already done, this project is entirely harmless.

WarSissi

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So UK’s minister of Unreason Faith, Baroness Warsi, has resigned. Now, I always thought of her as a few cards short of a full deck – but that is an occupational requirement for someone working in the faith industry. Now I’m disappointed to see that’s she’s also a sissy.

‘When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping’ my mother used to say. When you think that your team is doing something wrong, you double down, and try to change it for the better. That’s at least what I expect from professionals. Those who can, do. Warsi, as was painfully obvious, can’t.

Never one to face difficult questions, the horrendous situation in Gaza and the difficulties in determining which side has committed less evil has prompted Warsi to take the easy way out.

She won’t be missed. A civilized country needs a Minister of Faith as much as a fish needs a bicycle.

Devil’s Due

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The Roman Catholic Church in Grisons allegedly employs eleven professional exorcists, even though that Swiss Canton has a population of less than 200’000. Now, the Swiss are renown for their perfectionism, but that number is a bit extreme. By comparison, London would have to employ 450 exorcists to provide the same level of service. As far as I know, they don’t have any (at least not since ‘Reverend’ Andrew Arbuthnott was defrocked after a sexual assault disguised as ‘exorcism’). Is London in danger of falling to the Devil soon, or is Satan merely fond of the Alps? Or is perhaps a much more mundane reason at the bottom of this?

Christoph Casetti, chief exorcists in Chur, states that demand for his services is high (if not high-as-a-kite). One of the reasons is that in 1976 german priests managed to kill their victim during an exorcism. This alerted the german authorities to this medieval insanity, and promptly banned all exorcisms.

To the swiss Catholic Church, being what it is, this was a financial windfall: it allowed them to grow their offices in Grisons to eleven Exorcists after picking up customers from Germany. So what drives their business?

According to Gabriele Amort, president of the international association of exorcists (no kidding, they really do exist), the root cause for the increased sway the Devil has over our pathetic lives are Rock Music (of course), reading Harry Potter (of course), and Yoga.

Wait. Yoga?

I’m constantly amazed by these priests’ ability to keep a straight face while telling outlandish stories to grow their business.

Damn are they good!