Forget the Grisons Exorcists, they are wimps. It seems that Nigeria has the one true Van Helsing, in the name of born-again Christian Pastor Helen Ukpabio. Now, Ukpabio is really into witchcraft and stuff. She can diagnose potential baby witches from more than a mile away (symptoms: they get sick, cry, and scream at night – all very unusual characteristics for children), has made a fortune with her anti-witchcraft, and has just sued BHA for a humble half a billion pounds. Yeah, with a ‘b’.

What for?

Because BHA had the insolence to write that Ukpabio attributes the above symptoms to satanic possession – when clearly they are signs of vampiric possession. This of course ruins her reputation and livelihood, hence the half a billion pounds of damages.

Well, I guess when your livelihood includes the budged of a small nation, it’s easy to lose track of details. Like, for instance, reality. Not that anyone who makes their living by endangering children (what do you think happens to a child in Nigeria – where superstition is rampant – when it is diagnosed with a demon?) can be expected to have trace elements of sanity or decency.

Boy, and I thought Nigerian Scams were bad. If it weren’t such a gross waste of resources, I’d have loved to see this go to trial in the UK. British humor and a frivolous lawsuit? Hand, glove.