Rev McClung’s speech (abridged)

Yesterday I commented on Rev Brian McClung’s protest against Reduced Shakespeare Company’s play The Bible: The Complete Word of God (abridged). The kerfuffle caused by the protest – not to mention the city council’s ill-advised attempt to ban the play – caused the performances to be sold out during their first days. Or, as the good reverend sees it:

Rev McClung described it as “perverse human nature” that the play had sold so many tickets since opposition was raised.

And so McClung took a stand, made his voice heard, electrified the crowd with his righteous defense of the honor of God’s word, and made sure that –

Police maintained a small presence but left before the play began.

Ouch.

Tempest – reduced to a teapot

So the Reduced Shakespeare Company wanted to stage their play The Bible: The Complete Word of God (abridged) in the town of Newtownabbey, only to find that the city council’s artistic board pulled their support after complaints from the Democratic United Party DUP. When the decision became public, the council pulled a 180, and allowed the play to go ahead.

Enter Rev Brian McClung of the Newtownabbey Free Presbyterian Church, who is also known for his protest against the 40th anniversary celebrations of the play Jesus Christ Superstar. I don’t know, but if you protest the 40th anniversary of something, you are pretty much 39-and-half years late. Anyway, as with his last protest, the good reverend is beside himself:

We are offended because people are mocking the scriptures and we are here to show our offense.

This reminds me of a quote from the great Christopher Hitchens:

If someone tells me that I’ve hurt their feelings, I say, ‘I’m still waiting to hear what your point is’

So a play mocks your scrolls. Don’t buy a ticket. It really is that easy.

‘… the whole Bible’

Every once in a while, I encounter one of the most presumptuous, condescending, pompous, and ostentatious comments a Christian can make while arguing their belief:

To understand, you need to read the whole Bible.

I usually encounter it as a reply to a (perhaps snide) quote from the Bible I make. The comment is ostentatious because it insinuates that the one uttering it has read the whole Bible (usually it turns out that they haven’t). It’s presumptuous because it assumes I didn’t read that book in it’s entirety. It’s stupid because even after reading it, at least one of us hasn’t understood it – plus, it’s certainly news to the Jews who can make do with essentially only half of it: the Old Testament. And it is condescending because whoever says it believes that not only have they understood, they believe they have read the only correct version.

So why do people try this when they are forced into a corner? The comment is designed to stop the average Christian from further discussions: 99% of all Christians haven’t read the Bible. But why is it that so many Christians haven’t read the Bible?

Because it’s boring.

Most who try are already sound asleep long before all the begetting begins.

Sarah Palin: Taking the road less traveled

How do you annoy a Christian? Give him Sarah Palin’s “Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas”. Giving it to an atheist will garner you a wink and a wide grin: it’s purest atheist porn. Of course Palin is stupid enough to bring up Hitler, Stalin and Mao, and of course she asserts that only religion has god-given morals. Her single-digit IQ ensures fresh perspectives on common things, and it is exhilarating to read how she mixes guns with Christmas and the message of Jesus. Personally, I’m not sure she hasn’t accidentally confused the ‘Peacemaker’ Colt with Jesus, but I digress.

To her, the ACLU is a hate group, and ‘the seculars’ are so godless (go figure) that they are personally responsible for the american disease of hyper-correctness that make people say ‘happy holidays’ instead of ‘merry christmas’. As expected, the book’s a light read, consisting of only simple words, simpler ideas and only two colors: black (secular gun-hating peaceniks) and white (Sarah Palin). In her love for God & Guns, she quotes JFK slightly out of context – and blithely forgets that he, I suspect, would probably also be gun-averse today. But, again, I digress.

So, yes, in many ways, this book doesn’t disappoint: Just like we expect her to, Sarah intellectually wanders the roads less traveled, and makes the arguments most people try to avoid. The laughs begin even before you can open the book:

The cover shows an Advent wreath. If Sarah knows that the Advent wreath is an ancient pagan symbol that was lit around winter solstice in anticipation of spring, she sadly fails to point this out in her book. But she does make the point about Christmas being on solstice – even though her wording mysteriously makes it sound as if she’s somehow managed to look down history the wrong way: in her mind those godless liberals are trying to supplant holy christmas with a newfangled solstice celebration.

There’s something in there for everyone – even the cynics get a good laugh – and, they too, don’t have to wait long:
In a somewhat surreal introduction, Sarah first recounts how great and loving Christmas has been for her in the past, only to serve up the heart-warming story of Christmas 2012 when she gifted her husband a gun, finishing off this cute-as-a-bunny bon mot with a pun about her tits:

Last year, however, I think I was able to pull off a good one for him. To combat the anti-gun chatter coming from Washington, I surprised him with a nice, needed, powerful gun. I then asked him for a metal gun holder for my four-wheeler. Not only was this small act of civil disobedience fun, it allowed me to finally live out one of my favorite lines from a country song: “He’s got the rifle, I got the rack.”

Jeez, that’s Christ’s message of peace right there! Even better: that ‘anti-gun chatter’ she was talking about? That was the backlash over the Adam Lanza school shooting that happened a week earlier and left over 20 children dead.

Comic gold.

Eric doesn’t know Jack

A few days ago I witnessed a – let’s be charitable – ‘attempt’ to prove the existence god. It’s central tenet went like this

You can only know anything if you know everything. But somebody who knows everything can tell you what’s true, and then you know that.

From this eventually we derive that you

  • can only know what an all-knowing God tells you
  • since you do know something, a God must have told you whatever you know
  • hence God exists.

At first I thought it was a joke – but it turns out to be the central idea of fundamental christian apologist Eric Hovind (son of ‘Dr. Dino’ Kent Hovind, scientific hyperfail – for some entertainment watch Phil Mason aka Thunderf00t’s deconstruction of Hovind Sr.’s theories – or here, here and here).

The logic behind Hovdind Jr.’s ‘thesis’, unfortunately, befits his lineage.

In logic terms it assumes two premises:

  • ‘you don’t know anything unless you know everything’, and
  • ‘someone who knows everything can tell you something that is true, and then you would would know that something.’

Unfortunately, this kindergarden-level attempt at proof presupposes two (rather important) additional items: God exists, and God knows everything. From this it is then ‘proven’ that only whatever God tells you can be true, and since you know something to be true, God exists.

Of course it follows that God exists if you first assume that he exists.

But even if we allowed for the silent presuppositions to be true (we now assume that God exists), this tragically inept line of reasoning still doesn’t work. First, the second premise is a direct contradiction to the first – once God tells you something, you can know something without knowing everything.

But again, we’ll let that slide. The logic still doesn’t hold water:
The problem with the second premise is exactly the problem every religion has with truth. We’ll walk through this one step by step:

Let’s assume you don’t know everything. By definition you therefore know nothing. Now an omniscient god comes along and tells you: ‘X is true’. Can we now say that you know that ‘X is true’?

By ‘Hovind Logic’: Yes. By rational thought: No.

Why not? God could have lied. So even though the omniscient being could tell you the truth Cell Phone Number Trace , you can’t be sure. Assertions do not replace proof. Assumptions aren’t proof. It’s one of the elemental aspects of Logic, and Hovind has yet to master that.

It’s almost impossible to believe that a grown man would spout this kind of nonsense just to prove the existence of his god. If anything, it makes it his god appear even less likely to exist than before.

On the other hand, it does make it easy to believe that Eric Hovind really doesn’t know anything. And it makes it obvious that his God hasn’t yet spoken to Eric. Or he’s is pulling a cruel joke on him

The Christian Eskimo

Christians don’t get tired of touting their moral superiority, and use that as convenient justification for proselytizing. They assert that spreading their belief is the best thing they can do to other people, that it is a moral thing to do.

In ‘Pilgrim at Tinker Creek’, Annie Dillard writes:

Eskimo: ‘If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?’

Priest: ‘No, not if you did not know.’

Eskimo: ‘Then why did you tell me?’

The above quote exposes in just three short lines the lie that lies behind the belief that proselytizing is moral. If the priest didn’t tell the Eskimo (I’ll skip the ‘Inuit’ politically correctness BS) about god and sin, he would have lived happily, and – supposing that god existed – after his death would not have gone to hell. But now, after the Eskimo gained that knowledge, he now has to change his life to worship a god in order to not be tortured after death for all eternity. Objectively, the life of the Eskimo has become worse. The priest has done something immoral: he significantly lessened the Eskimo’s quality of life, needlessly adding to his worries and fears.

If any Christian believed in what they were saying about Hell and Sin and whatnot, they would be careful not to spread this dangerous message, lest they ruin someone’s life. But they do. Why? Two likely scenarios: They either don’t believe their own religious claptrap, or they want as many of those carefree, happier people go down with them.

Moral my ass.

Botched reporting

In tragic news two children died and two were gravely injured when a believer, driven insane by her religion, performed a religious ritual. Sadly, even the reporting is quite insane:

A 28-year-old mother killed two of her children and severely injured her two others during a botched exorcism attempt

Use of the word ‘botched’ suggests that there is a right way to perform an exorcism. There isn’t. Here’s a fact: if you think you need to perform an exorcism on someone, you should be locked up at the funny farm.

Being moderately pregnant

I don’t understand people who say they are ‘mostly atheist’. It’s quite easy: you either believe in something supernatural, or you are an atheist. Saying ‘I can’t completely rule out the possibility that Gods exist’ is not a contradiction to being an atheist – it’s merely stating a scientific, obvious fact.

Likewise, I don’t get ‘moderate’ believers. What kind of silly is that? Either you believe in your infallible super-being, or you might as well stop right now. Hoping that there is a benevolent god is not believing it. Hoping that there is a benevolent God is what many atheists, me included, do. It’s like a lottery ticket. You might get lucky. You have some hope. But you don’t have ‘faith’. You don’t go out and buy a new Ferrari in expectation of winning a million dollars. And you certainly don’t start inviting people for a ride.

So what does ‘moderate’ belief really mean? How can there be moderation in their belief? Either you believe that the Bible is the true word of the one true God, or it isn’t. There is no ‘perhaps true God’. It’s not as if scripture is lacking any clarity in this matter.

Being a moderate christian is like being moderately pregnant. This isn’t rocket science. Perhaps these moderates should find out what they really are, and act accordingly.

Official: Majority of Republicans are stupid.

It’s official: the majority of american Republicans are stupid:

Today, 43% of Republicans and 67% of Democrats say humans have evolved.

While the Democrats aren’t looking too smart either, this means that less than half of all Republicans acknowledge the facts; the rest lives in some scientific la-la-land. Note that this is actually a regression – a few years ago fewer republicans believed in the idiocy of a literal biblical genesis.

In 2009, 54% of Republicans and 64% of Democrats said humans have evolved over time.

I guess this is home ‘schooling’ showing results… Or perhaps we are seeing the very first signs ever of devolution.

As an aside: It’s not that you ‘believe’ in evolution. You either believe in religion, or are convinced by the facts that evolution is real.

Bishop: pregnancy after marriage now compulsory

It’s not easy being a priest. After having lost his bid to becoming last year’s most disturbed catholic priest to raging lunatic Archbishop John Nienstedt of the Twin Cities, Chur Bishop Vitus Huonder is off to a good start to win the fool’s crown this year. His new idea: Marriage by church makes becoming pregnant compulsory. At least that’s his plan.

As with all things sex (at least consenting), the good bishop has no experience, and a lot of trouble thinking it though. Obviously, couples must not have had sex before they marry (well, the woman at least – Deuteronomy 22: 20-21), so it makes little sense to check for pregnancy beforehand. But I’d really love to see how the Bishop tries to enforce pregnancy after marriage. After all, he can’t really threaten to divorce the couple (Luke 16:18) if no offspring is forthcoming (uh, uneasy pun there). And if you are clinically unable to procreate – well, God loves you, I guess, but this cleric will not marry you.

All this silly talk reveals the real hare-brained thought that begot (ha ha) this terribly stupid idea: homosexuals can’t procreate (at least the males), and that way this homophobic idiot thought he could get his way after failing spectacularly with his homily against ‘Genderism’ a couple of weeks ago.