Monthly Archives: October 2013

Holy Ghost Burger!

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A fast food restaurant in Chicago is offering a burger that contains – among other ingredients – a communion wafer and red wine. Predictably (and probably quite intentionally), outrage has gripped the deeply faithful Christians for this insult to Christianity and assault on their belief.

First, some explanation for the less superstitious: a communion wafer is a kind of cracker that is served (with wine) in some christian denominations during or after service, usually to commemorate the last supper of Jesus (a.k.a. communion). As with most rituals, the wine and cracker must first be consecrated to become the “real thing”. Neither wine nor cracker in the burger are consecrated (this makes a big difference for believers; scientifically the difference is that a consecrated wafer has a few words spoken over it, changing exactly nothing).

The burger joint that servers this meal is a hard rock themed restaurant; the burger is called ‘Ghost Burger’, after the swedish band ‘Ghost B.C.‘. This band riffs off christian vibes, with the lead singer on-stage occasionally dressing as a Roman Catholic cardinal. Their music, like their stage presence, is an acquired taste.

The faithful don’t like it. For example, Jeff Young, producer of the Catholic Foodie blog reportedly complains that

“It is a mockery of something that is holy. The same thing could be said of the band itself.”

Holy Intelligence, Sherlock Holmes! What tipped you off? The wafer or the singer’s robes?

What I don’t get is this: For Catholics, it is to be believed that upon consecration, the wafer miraculously (in reality, not figuratively) turns into Jesus’ flesh, and the wine into his blood. Then this is eaten. Yuck!

I think that someone who believes that he or his priest is regularly eating human flesh and drinking blood should really not complain about a burger that contains neither. Since Young runs a food blog, and cursory checks reveal no recipes nor recommendations involving human flesh nor blood, I think he doesn’t believe the official Eucharist claptrap either. Guess what, neither does Ghost B.C. Yes, they are mocking your superstition. The band and the burger. Obviously. Get over it.

As an aside: If the restaurant had tried this stunt with a ‘Mo Burger’, served with goat cheese and camel meat, we probably would be looking at the smoldering remains of the block the restaurant was located in. So these Catholics are exhibiting laudable restraint. Thank god for that.

Why Islam beats Christianity and Judaism

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According to this Wahhabi preacher (and assuming the translation is correct), the promise of Islam’s Paradise beats that of Christianity or Judaism hands down – by at least 5’041:1!

“Every Muslim man gets at least two black-eyed virgins in Paradise. Each virgin comes with 70 servant girls. You are permitted [to have sex] with the virgins as well as the servant girls. […] [Your wife enters Paradise] with 70 black-eyed virgins. In Paradise you get your wife and her virgins, each of whom come with 70 servants.”

In cold math this comes down to 2 * 70 (own virgins, servants) + 1 (wifey) + 70 * 70 (wifey’s virgins and servants) = 5’041 sex toys for you. More if you are married to more wives.

Only two questions:

  1. Are the wife’s virgins female? Why? Isn’t Allah supposed to be fair?
  2. More importantly: what’s the surcharge to exchange the virgins for experienced women?

I know I should’t joke about the hateful misogyny preached here, but this was just too silly not to post. To think that people actually believe this. And to be a preacher who preaches his personal wet dream to his flock.

Pathetic.

Good, god-fearing citizens one sunny day in the US…

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Here’s a picture of a bunch of devout, god-fearing and upstanding citizen who have gathered on a sunny Thursday in August 1959 to do good.

A pity that they are – by today’s standards – committing hate crime

Little Rock integration protest

If there is an image that documents the absurdity of a religion’s claim on absolute morals, it is this.

Image credit: US Library of Congress

Malala.

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She publicly petitioned for her right to go to school.

“I dont’ mind if I have to sit on the floor at school. All I want is education”

At age 14, she was shot in the head.

“Which one of you is Malala Yousafzai?
Speak up, or I will shoot you all”

Declared to be the devil by the Taliban.

“… the symbol of the infidels and obscenity”

Today, the youngest nominee for the Nobel Peace Prize.

Here’s to you, Malala. I hope you win the prize. In my heart you already won.

With moderates like these…

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Iran has a new president: Hassan Rouhani. Supposedly, he’s a moderate. The question is: a moderate what? As the guardian reports (emphasis mine):

Parliamentarians in Iran have passed a bill to protect the rights of children which includes a clause that allows a man to marry his adopted daughter and [sic] while she is as young as 13 years.

Recently, the Iranian State News Agency reported that in 2010 alone, about 42’000 children between ages 10 and 14 were force-married. The minors have no say in this. And if the father is also the suitor, he can give himself permission.

The ‘moderate’ president did not block this law. Allowing grown men to marry their ‘adopted’ (who is really fooled by this euphemism?) daughters amounts to legalizing child rape.

Since Rouhani draws the line at girls over the age of 13, one is tempted to think he’s a moderate pedophile.

Ali Baba in Fantasy Land

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So salafists are trying to peddle their version of La-La-Land in Fantasyland. As originally reported by Bild (german, translation below):

Photos on the Internet show salafist Sabri Ben A. in the popular ‘Phantasialand’ amusement park near Brühl (Germany). The close friend of Cologne hate preacher Ibrahim Abou-Nagie is depicted posing with the park’s mascot. He’s wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with the slogan ‘Read!’ and holds the Quran in his hands in some of the pictures. The caption to one of the photos reads ’50 copies are now in scha Allah https://findphonebase.ca , in good hands’.

At least they chose the right venue. Plus, their roguish Ali-Baba costumes meshed well with those of the professional clowns.

Sainthood by linear acceleration

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Former Pope John Paul II will be promoted to full sainthood in early 2014, setting a new record. Although the church admits that they (almost literally) ran though this process – faster than any time in the millennia before – they claim it still holds up to rigorous standards and close scrutiny.

And then they come up with this brilliant bit of reasoning:

“In fact, canonization by the Catholic Church simply formalizes on earth what is already in place in heaven. […] It’s not like Karol Wojtyla, John Paul II, will suddenly become a saint when the canonization ceremony occurs. The belief would be he is already in heaven with God, living the life of a saint. All that’s going to happen when the ceremony occurs is that the church will officially recognize that.”

OK. But then why have a process at all?

Holy Alka Seltzer!

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True ‘Miracles’ have become indistinguishable from the Placebo Effect, as the Catholic Church officially proved today.

In a couple of months, the catholic church will make saints out of two former priests. That’s nice. We’ll just note as an aside that they are made saints, and therefore, by definition up until now did not have had to be saints.

But just what is required of someone to become a saint? First, you have to be dead. That’s sensible – this precludes that future unsaintly actions of yours could embarrass the church. But the church allegedly sets ‘high standards’ before they elevate someone into sainthood. In the case of the late Pope John Paul II, the church requires no less than two miracles.

Now, that is a high standard. The problem is: the church has a lamentably low standard when it comes to miracles. This pretty much mirrors the way people nowadays believe that random occurrences are miracles. In NGNG is snidely commented:

Gods in the past created the universe, parted seas, smote unbelievers, regularly performed miracles on the grandest of scale, raised the dead, drowned whole populations and caused plagues. Today it is already considered a miracle when His/Her face appears on an ice cream stain. How pathetic is that? Gods of Today are sissies, while their believers talk up the good old times when their god still had some machismo.

The same pathetic standard is now applied to miracles performed by priests. The alleged ‘miracles’ are just two counts of a spontaneous remission of an illness. A real miracle would be if someone spontaneously regrows an arm or leg. If that happens, I’d be the first to acknowledge it. But – come on! – something that can’t be distinguished from the Placebo Effect? Something that is bound to happen given the sheer number of ill people? The only miracle here is that they only found two cases.

Now, if I was to be sainted for that, those ‘miracles’ would have been an embarrassment to me. After all, my fellow saints did some really miraculous stuff, not just a couple of lousy remissions.

The question here is when the Church will make Alka Seltzer a holy substance. After all, I can attest to it’s miraculous power to cure headache. More than just once.