On Sunday, the Catholic church will make saints out of two former priests, one of them the late pope John Paul II.

As an atheist, I have nothing against this. It’s their club, their rules, and their show. But parts of their rules do look silly. To become a saint, you have to have worked two (not one, no, two) miracles. That’s about as reasonable as anything else when you believe in the supernatural. So now two miracles have been ‘confirmed’. I looked at all the recent miracles that were confirmed and then used to have someone accepted into the club of saints. They all have something in common: they’re not miracles. All – every one of them – are mere remissions of illnesses that are, gosh, known for their tendency to suddenly go into remission. If someone regrew a limb, that would be a miracle (at least until modern medicine can offer that as a therapy). Still, that’s OK. As I said: their club, their rules. But what’s with all the officious looking, important men staring intensely into TV cameras? I mean – come on! – you all know it’s a sham. Can’t you at least wink and have some fun?

As I said before – the true miracle here is that everyone manages to keep a straight face.