Archbishop proves he’s never had good sex

Ah, bishops. The unending wellspring of good examples. Good examples of what not to do. Today’s exhibit comes from the Twin Cities, where Catholic Archbishop John Nienstedt makes an archass out of himself.

During a meeting with Catholic leaders last August, the perhaps most revered, but definitely not very bright Archbishop thundered righteously:

“Sodomy, abortion, contraception, pornography, the redefinition of marriage and the denial of objective truth are just some of the forces threatening the stability of our civilization. The source of these machinations is none other than the Father of Lies.”

Wow. Sodomy, abortion, contraception, pornography, and homosexuality all in one sentence!

We better take this apart because it seems impossible to pack more misses into a single line:

  • denouncing sodomy merely proves that he’s never had good sex
  • railing against contraception is medically dangerous and highly misogynic
  • denying abortions is even more misogynic
  • attacking homosexuals is pure, unadulterated hate mongering (here disguised as ‘redefinition of marriage’)
  • vilifying porn is just plain silly – what is it with these uptight old men who think sex and morals are somehow linked?

Yet, his ‘denial of objective truth’ takes the cake. Objectively, gods don’t exist – they only do in this priest’s subjective imagination. More to the point, it’s his priestly job to deny objective truth. Taken in the context of his own speech, that means he’s either denouncing himself, or admitting that he’s working for his ‘Prince of Lies’.

Sometimes I feel there’s an unofficial contest between men of the cloth to find out who can pack the greatest amount of stupid into a single sentence.